Cats In A Gale (25 Scots Poems)

1.The 3-leggit Mannie There's a 3-leggit mannie fa bides in Portree He keeps twa pet goldfish inside his TV He weirs a canary on tap o his heid It cleans oot his lugs wi acroissante o breid His waas are spaghetti hoops, pink on aa sides Wi an upside doon lum, an a reef o coo hides He sits doon tae rin, an he lowps fin he sleeps An he plays in a band wi a soo weirin breeks His wife makks a steer-pudden ooto aa weathers His dother-in-law drives a car made o feathers His bagpipes are made frae a kettle o tea Thon three leggit mannie fa bides in Portree! 2.Ca-Cannie Fowk say that ye are fit ye eat Sae ca-cannie fin chawin yer meat Swiss rolls an paninis luik daft in bikinis An petticoat tails hae nae feet! 3.Bulgers an Brochers an Boddamers Bulgers an Brochers an Boddamer chiels Hae lobster for brakkfast they catch in their creels At nicht in the meenshine, their airms turn tae nippers (Bit Gaymrie fowk step oot in sealskin an flippers) 4.Roch-Sleeper There is a roch sleeper rowed up in a cloot She sleeps on the street fin the starnies come oot Wi papers an boxies tae gie her some heat Fin Jack Frost comes nippin her lugs an her feet Roch sleeper, roch sleeper, in your flechy sark Wi anely the rattens as friens in the dark Roch sleeper, roch sleeper, ye should hae a flat Wi a fire an a bed an a black purrin cat Roch sleeper, roch sleeper, ye spikk tae yersel Fit kinda stories an tales dae ye tell? War ye aince bonnie, an cuddlit an clappit Roch sleeper, roch sleeper, wi frost an leaves happit? 5.Cats in a Gale Lingle lingle lang tang Cats hae tails Tae tie roon trees Fin wins blaw gales Gin tails brakk aff awa they flee A flicht o cats abeen Dundee 6.The Heidie I ken o a skweel far the creme de la crème Winna send aff a heidie without an Amen Especially tae ane wi a blue Volvo car As vintage as Sir Winston Churchill's cigar Wi her leavin in sicht, ay, the eyn drawin near The byler set fire alarms birrin wi fear Bit the fire brigade chiels kent the bairns wad be fine Mile End turns oot pupils like ships o the line At Sports Days, ower divot an fitba-kirned sod She roars ooto a megaphone, luikin rale odd Tae stop Myles or Ranjit frae crossin the line Till the deem wi the fussle blaws oot that it's time A Spike Milligan fan, fin the sna's dingin doon Aroon Xmas, her carols cheer staff, quine and loon For she stauns in the playgrun an on her heid weirs A reid Sunty hat, tae an ootburst o cheers She loves singin an music, an poetry an flooers She'd tell tales tae the littlins fur oors an oors Aa gweed things maun eyn, an she'll seen be awa Bit och, as a heidie, I'm telt she wis braw! 7.The Wee Catty There wis a wee catty caad Shug He barked at a shelt an a dug The shelt didna heed, bit the dug, at full speed Bulldozed him an noo he's a rug 8.Clootie Tree Clootie tree, clootie tree, hingin wi wishes Preened there bi fowk like a sea-fu o fishes Gie me a cat wi a wee siller bell Clootie tree, clootie tree, aa tae masel 9.Hogmanay Hogmanay. The Auld Year's gaen Clean the hoose. Bring in the New Licht the nicht wi mirth an sang Joys be mony. Waes be few Bairnies turning in yer beds Dream yer dreams an grip yer teds The New Year's here. Hip hip hooray! Sleep soun bairns while big fowk play 10.Groundit Dinna start yer girnin Makkin on yer seek Diana think I'm listenin Yer groundit fur a wikk The teacher said ye plunkit skweel An wadna takk a tellin Ye thumpit Dolly Baxter An ye didna learn yer spellin Dinna start yer girnin I'm tholin nae mair chikk Dinna think yer saftenin me¬ Yer groundit fur a wikk 11.Max Max etts beefburgers wi chips on the side Fur denner an brakkfast. He's 16 fit wide He lies on his back fur he's ower fat tae rin He opens his moo an draps beefburgers in 12.Molly the Coo Molly the coo wauked tae the toun Skittery-dowp an aa She vowed that there she'd sattle doon Green girse is best tae chaa The traffic roared an wadna stop The horns did peep an blaa Naethin ava bit street an shop, An larries, raa on raa Molly the coo turned hungered syne Nae neeps in wynd or lane She flicked her tail an tossed her heid An hoppity-skipped back hame 13.Toddle Toddle Dyeukie Toddle toddle dyeukie Toddlin ben the dubs Splyterin in the watter Luikin fur the bugs Luikin fur the bugs Wi yer beak gaun snap Toddle toddle dyeukie Wi yer feet gaun plap 14.Peelie Wallie Paradiddle paradiddle prum, prum, prum A wee germ's lowpin in ma tum, tum, tum I'm feelin affa wabbit Peelie wallie, seek an crabbit Nae winner that I'm crabbit an I'm glum, glum, glum! 15. Skweel Secretaries We're at the coal face o each wee primary skweel We deal wi enquiries, type letters as weel We decipher the answer phone's mutterins an rantins We ficher wi siller, we haunle the bankins Withoot us the newsletters widna be deen The fax widna fax in the faxin machine We're better detectives than Poirot....wi' zeal We hunt doon the parents o bairns that's nae weel Has a playpiece bin tint? Has a packed lunch bin drappit? We winna gie up till they're sniffed oot an trackit! Has a tuba, a fiddle, a jimmy gaen missin? Is the library floodit? The heatin pipes hissin? It's us fowk aa rin tae...we MAUN be divine Cause they think we wirk miracles near ilkie time! We're wizards at Phoenix, we're dab hauns at Boss We redd up the snorrels, the stooshies, the soss We deal wi confusions that's caused bi the snaa Fin the trains winna rin an the pipes winna thaa We're there in a crisis, fin aathin looks black We're the dynamic duo. We deal wi the flakk! 16.The Littlin Far are ye gaun tae littlin? Doon far the bandies sweem In the rashes by the lochan An the yalla's on the breem Can I gae wi ye littlin? Na, for a grown-up's ee Wad miss the magic ferlies That anely a bairn can see The road I wauk is lichtit Wi sun on its ferny track Ay, bairn, it's blythe gaun forrit It's waesome steppin back 17.The Trees o the Trossachs The trees o the Trossachs are sturdy an braw Wi knobbily knees that thole thunner an sna Their trunks are as hardy as Desperate Dan They've three times the smeddum o auld Ghenghis Khan Gin yer needin a caber tae haive ower a park The trees o the Trossach step up tae the mark! They'll flee through the air an the dunt fin they lan Will gar aa yer sausages lowp frae the pan! 18.J. J. the Puddock J.J. the puddock liked tae rap He wis a fitbaa fan He pit his cap on back tae front An drave like Desperate Dan 19.The Spaceman's Holiday Willie's gaun tae Disneylan Neil, tae Auchensheen Jockie's aff tae camp in Troon Bit I'm aff tae the meen! Tasnim's aff tae Pakistan, Jack, tae Aiberdeen Omar's sailin roon the Gulf Bit I'm aff tae the meen! 20.Class Sawney Bean is in ma class Wandrin Willie....John 0' Groats Deacon Brodie, Grandpa Broon Skirlin Wattie, takkin notes. Rabbie Burns is tap at music Jamie Saxth's the classroom feel Willie Wallace is the jannie Guairdian o this Scottish skweel John Knox is the HMI Dae yer hamework or ye'll fry 21.The Oxfam Shoppie The Oxford shoppie has queues o frocks Neuks that tick like electric clocks A tour o Pisa o auld cassettes Dallies fur bairns an trock fur pets Curtains hingin like wearie washin Speens an spurtles an gee-gaws flashin A clockin hen wi a cheena reest An ashet vrocht fur a xmas feast Fyauchie dishcloots an ties that squirm Roon the coonter like snake an wirm Naebody needs tae prig nor mooch Oxfam shoppies suit aabody's pooch 22. the Fun Fair This Setterday morning we gaed tae the fair Granny an mither an faither war there Ma wee sister Lizzie wis birled in the waltzers Wi granny fa tint her new hat an her falsers Fin ma brither Joe tried the merriematanzie His face turned as green as the neck o his ganzie Da drappt frae the Big Wheel an raxxed his bihoochie An left in an ambulance wippit in stookie Mither sat on the dodgems an drave like the Deil She demolished the ghaist train an whirlies as weel I thocht that oor babby wis sprootin a beard It wis popcorn as ower his wee coupon he'd smeared A queer keekin glaiss gart ma granfaither blink He'd shrunk hauf his size tae a skinnymalink At the coconut shy staa I won twenty prizes An then I wis chased bi a gang o as sizes Ma big sister Katie gaed inno a tent Her fortune wis telt, aa her siller wis spent She wis telt that her future lay ower the water She skyted in dubs an fell doon wi a splatter Sick, battered like puddens, we aa hytered hame Da's promised neist Sunday we're gaun back again 23. Wee Willie Robert the Bruce had a pearl in his croon James the fifth, in his sceptre Henry the fifth had ane stown frae his tent At Agincoort...fit a mishanter! Bit I am the biggest, the brichtest, the best, Frae Ullapuil doon tae Caerphilly I'm the brawest Scots pearl frae the North, Sooth, East, West An I gyang bi the name o Wee Willie! 24.The Snail Limerick (the case of Donohue v Stevenson,1928) A wee Glesga wummin turned pale For her ginger beer drink held a snail It did her some gweed, Tho the puir snail wis deid It shelled oot fur a roon-the-warld sail! 25.Muckle Flugga Lichthoose I'm the Muckle Flugga lichthoose luikin tae the frozen north Watchin tug boats chugga-chug alang the spray As the crew gyang glugga wi their cocoa ablow deck Throw the fugga-fugga-fog I sen ma ray Foo I'd like tae rin awa frae here an be a barber's pole Or a helter-skelter belter at the fair I'm the Muckle Flugga lichthoose. I'm scunnert, an I'm cauld An ma roosty jynts are creakin an they're sair!