Deaths, En Suite

In a soaring penthouse in Rio De Janeiro Five minutes from Ipanema-Leblon beach Michelle Springer, sports commentator Having just finished a crab burger Washed down by an ice cold passion fruit caipirinha Dies of an aneurism, instantly In an Alpine bed in a rented Heidi-chalet, Out of reach of a wi-fi signal (His delightful family skiing on baby slopes) Matt Olivier, plumber, dies of an asthma attack, scarily Within sight of the Shard in London In a modest budget hotel, in a single room Kayleigh Higgins, sales rep in lingerie Drying off after a work out in the gym and a brisk shower Nose dives into a range of padded bras for the fuller figure Struck by a lethal heart attack, incongruously Meanwhile in down town Manhattan Derk Van Eyck, antiques dealer Having split from his gay lover, a Mexican tattooist Dies of autoerotic asphyxiation at the end of a cord Like a popped lightbulb, weirdly On a ladder outside a rented cottage in Dorset Charles Perkins, quintessentially British, Retired banker from Slough, an obsessive twitcher Drops from his perch while washing an upstairs window Felled by a stroke, having just seen A very rare Suffolk 'Houbara' (MacQueen's Bustard) High above Hong Kong harbour Head honcho of a corporate hospitality company Mr Rashid Heinemann, on a shoogily peg in the tailspin Of the global financial downturn Half way down a £4,640 limited edition glass decanter Of L'Art de Martell, launched in 1997 to commemorate the retrocession of Hong Kong to China, dies of a cocktail of heroin, coke and cognac From a Torremolinos balcony, Georgina Dunlop, student, Suffering from athlete's foot, acne and a broken heart, Leaps to her death, messily, ten yards from the hotel pool Traumatising two toddlers from Stranraer, And a coachful of Saga tourists admiring the sights. Each demise, merits a mention in an obituary column One or two inspire an article Before Life, the seamstress, Mends the rents in the fabric of the day