English Poems From Pigging Out

The Vegetarian Drools Beetroot mousse piquant Prunes stroganoff, Dutch rarebit Turnips on horseback, cheese Spruce needle tarts, how fit! Shallots a la bonne femme Vegetable ragout Dandelion omelette, delight! Cream cheese fritters and cabbage too! Washed Ashore A bag of 54 hands, washed up on Siberian shores A Lightning fighter aircraft, found on the beaches of Wales A gigantic tree two hundred feet tall Giant snowballs… a plethora of whales A German U-Boat off Hastings A cannon from the sea Eight foot Lego men washing up A copy of E.T. A robot hand, and fourteen feet One hundred World War bombs. The jawbone from an Ichthyosaur Whale vomit, jellyfish spawns A 200-foot long oil tanker Off Liberia was seen A 580-foot long container ship And a trolley, off Aberdeen! Dead to Rights George Washington decreed he'd to lie 2 days unburied Shopenhauer ordered he'd be unburied for 5. Gogol wished to be buried in putrefaction Chopin chose dissection, not to be entombed alive Yet it still happens, a diabetic coma Catalepsy, Lazarus syndrome, or trance Can mimic the symptoms of death, the final solution The mediaeval skeletons whirling dance The Day of Atonement If only casting my bread upon the waters Was easy as sloughing off skin from a broken blister If only casting my bread upon the waters Could compensate for being a useless mother If only there were ten commandments to follow in parenthood Thou shalt never give up on your offspring Duty is no replacement for unconditional love Thou shalt rear your children to learn that acts have consequences Physician heal thyself. Cast not the first stone People who hurt their children die alone Odd Things that came in the Post 80,000 bricks A scorpion The Hope Diamond A pet chameleon Henry Brown, a slave Two lady suffragettes $20 dollar bill in plastic What odd things to get! A helium filled balloon A boxful of dead fish 50,000 pink panties A bike delivered dish A stamped addressed potato Live cat. A frying pan Children, a baby, seaweed Foot and hand of a man The Goddess Bloodthirsty Dee Each year needs three; But bonny Don, She needs none In the second century AD Claudius Ptolemy called the river Deva, Meaning goddess, worshipped by the Celts Dee was a Druid portal to the otherworld A Divinity, sacred and life affirming. Into this Divinity, Sewage is poured, by 20th Century man. A Sepa spokeswoman observed That Aboyne Waste Water Treatment Works Has an authorisation to discharge to land Bathers at Banchory found sewage Pouring into the Dee from the north bank near St Ternan Park Walkers and bathers saw sanitary towels and nappies on the water.