Glasgow: The Dear Green Place

In Glasgow's Fossil Grove, Victoria Park There are trees twice as old as dinosaurs. A unique earth heritage site The city's underground system's The Clockwork Orange Tick tock- tick the earthy smell of tunnels The Glasgow Tower is the tallest fully rotating Freestanding structure in the world, but it has problems Lift failure! If you're religious, pray Why not gallop into The Horseshoe Bar The longest continuous bar in Europe? Yeeha! This is the home of the Old Firm,Celtic and Rangers Orange, green, and blue And high and dry on the banks of the River Clyde SEC Armadillo, an ant-eater sliced in half This town's been home to tobacco lords, slavers, shipbuilders Engineers, navvies, the Trongate steeple bells This town holds St Valentine's remains in a Gorbal's kirk And Sir Roger the Elephant, stuffed This town has opened its doors To Ireland, Lithuania, Italy's Hokey Pokey men China, Bangladesh, India, Syria, Jews escaping pogroms It has a heart as deep as the Mariana Trench Its stomach loves its curry Sashay along "The Style Mile", Merchant City Window shop in Sauchiehall, Argyle Street Cross the Squinty Brig across the Clyde Walk under the Heilanman's Umbrella Nip into Glasgow's Necropolis With a statue of John Knox at the summit Devil's-coach horse beetles dwell there They feast on the flesh of sinners Step under the Bridge of Sighs but Watch out for the Gorbals' vampire Artists, poets and actors grew in these fertile streets Gray, Rennie Mackintosh, Morgan, Alan Spence The wee screen boxed its heroes Rab C. Nesbitt, Taggart, Tutti Frutti River City,Chewin' the Fat,Still Game Laughed withBoyle, and Ferguson, Billy Connolly The big screen took to Glasgow's own Stan Laurel Let's not forget: The Tongs, the Young Toon Toi, Housy Mad Sqwad, the Reid Street Dickies Shettleston Tigers,Tollcross Wee Men, The Drummy, Bal-Toi,and the Provvy (No portrait is complete without its warts) A city's soul is bared by its public sculptures: The Duke of Wellington, wearing his traffic cone Homeless Jesus statue stretched out on a bench Gorbal's Girl with a Rucksack, coming or going? Monument to maternity, a giant nappy pin Clyde Clock, striding out on robot legs Winchers, forever locked in a lovers'clinch As Proud as….a naked man With an underwhelmingly small wee willie winkie