Twenty Eight Bairn Rhymes (Mr Pavolva)

Mr. Pavlova’s Comb-Over 1.The Whirlwin A whirlwin struck Ben Nevis. It sooked up 15 yowes A hurcheon an a piece box fae aff its cauldrife knowes Alang wi twa backpackers, a meenister fae Troon Twa Hydro-pylon sparkies an a reid hett air balloon It wheeched abune the Trossachs liftit Rob Roy (an his beard) A Heilan coo, a cooshie doo, an syne it disappeared! 2.DoonPish The dyeuks are weirin wellies The hen is in a mac The hurcheon’s hoosie’s floodit The lift is inky black The rain is pure hale watter It’s poorin cats an dugs An it’s washed awa the tatties Frae the grumphies’ yirdy lugs 3.Sleepless Cuddies can sleep staunin up Dolphins wi ae ee opened Snails can sleep three year or mair Bit ants are aywis waukened 4.Pirate Beardie Pirate Beardie’s widden leg Gaed the bairns a nesty fleg A widpecker chapped throwe his peg Cowp Pirate Beardie 5.The Yird Fin aabody kent the Yird wis flat As a Japanee Chinee plate Ye cud gyang frae snaw in an Arctic floe Tae a desert bi roller skate Bit near the edge far Space began Wis fu o haar an dim Sae gin ye traivelled frae here tae there Ye tae slow doon near the rim 6.The Spurgie I am a low-fleein spurgie frae Cheam Sorry! I just crashed inno yer dream. 7.The Duchess of Rothesay’s Visit A dug an a duchess cam tae see The Aiberdeen Readin Bus The duchess pettit the spotty dug It fairly enjoyed the fuss She cam tae study the pots an buiks An films that the bairnies made The dug’s tail wagged an the duchess smiled And we wish they had langer bed 8.Billy Boy Far hae ye bin aa the day Billy Boy, Billy Boy Far hae ye bin aa the day, Ma chermin Billy? I’ve bin hooverin the flees Frae ma granny’s hairy knees Fur ma grunny is a puggie An she Rumbas ben the trees 9.Aunty Mary (Traditional) Auntie Mary had a canary Up the leg o her draaers She pued a string tae gar it sing An doon cam Santie Claus 10. Ma Sister Belle Ma sister Belle is a hairdresser She washes hair She’s twenty-two wi a blue tattoo She disnae care She gaed herself a perm ae nicht She pit the curlers in ower ticht The lavvie brush is a bonnier sicht She disnae care 11. Prawns in Princes Street This is the weather forecast It’s dingin doon at Troon An Ark has sailed by Culter There’s dolphins in Dunoon A whale’s lowped ower Ben Nevis There’s prawns on Princes Street King Neptune’s plunked his trident At the heid o Arthur’s seat 12. Death o a Hamster(traditional) Slowly an sadly we laid him doon We rubbit his nose in butter We pit him in a sardine tin An floatit him doon the gutter. 13. Jessica Jessica greets fin ye pit her doon She’s bonnie an she’s bran-new Bit fin ye lift her up tae daunce The milk flees oot her mou 14.Superbabies Super babies rax their airms Their een are braw an fluttery Bit fin they skirl an shakk their neives Ye ken their dowp is skitter 15. The Puggies Thirteen chikky puggies in a big Safari Park They lowp on drivers’ cars an gie the wing mirrors a yark 16. The Asda Bears At Asda last Monday I met three broon bears Fillin their trolleys wi parritch an pears They queued at the check oots, their mainners were rare Three broon bears at Asda wi siller tae spare 17. Story Buik Fowk Fin I am in ma bed at nicht, as sune’s I faa asleep The fowk fa’s in ma story buik fae oot the pages creep They play aroon the kitchie, fleg the budgie in her cage Bit fin Davie Daylicht’s waukent, they rin back tae their page 18.The Turtles A hunner wee turtles hatched oot on the beach Rinnin tae paiddle an dook in the sea Bit turtle is tasty an easy tae reach An maist o them endit as somebody’s tea! 19. Bunfecht in the Bakery There’s a bunfecht in the bakery Wi neives instead o guns Dinna try an calm the stooshie Mangst the hett cross buns! They threw tatties, neeps an ingins An a pair o Spanish plums In the bunfecht in the bakery Atween hett cross buns 20. Tinnies Sardines, sardines, squashed in a tin Nae a heid atween them, Haudin bellies in Sailors sailors in a submarine Mine an clean yer socks, lads, An keep yer oxters clean! 21.Watter Far wis the watter cam frae, The watter that dreeps frae the tap? Mebbe a dinosaur peed it Or it fell frae a puddock’s lap! 22. Tune: Ba Ba Black Sheep Fit like, quinie hae ye ony plooks? That I hae in aa my neuks Plooks on ma foreheid, plooks aneth ma claes Plooks on ma oxters, plooks atween ma taes 23. Gin ye gang by Bramblebrae Gin ye gang by Bramblebrae There’s nae fruit tae see Bit wheelie bins an cola tins An miles o masonry Gin ye gang by Heatheryburn Aa ye’ll see’s a street Nae a pikk o heather bells Tae gar the air smell sweet Gin ye gang by Fernielea Ye michtna even myne Aince this wis a flooery park In Auld Lang Syne 24. Fit Like Kittlin? Fit like kittlin, Hae ye got a flech? Watch me scrat min Till I pech Flechs on ma tailie, Flechs on ma dowp Flechs alang ma fuskers That gar me lowp! 25. Percy the Parrot Percy wis a parrot Naethin wid he say Bit ‘Go an gie’s a candy An dinna be a day! 26. Five Wee Riveries Five wee riveries ran doon a leafy bouer ‘Pouer’ cried the Hydro Boord Syne there war fower Fower wee riveries rinnin cantily ‘Beer’ cried the brewery Syne there war three Three wee riveries rinnin cauld an braw ‘Pipeline’ cried the Watter Boord Syne there war twa Twa wee riveries rinnin short o rain ‘Hose Pipe’ cried the gairdeners Syne there wis ane. Ae wee riverie Rinnin sweet an clear ‘Drain it’ cried the architect ‘There’s hooses planned fur here.’ Nae wee riveries fur fishies tae hae fun Aa the watter catched an trapped In pipes aneth the grun 27. The Chuddy I’m a daud o chuddy stukken on a mat Colleckin bits o caddis, like fluff fae aff the cat I’m a daud o chuddy, I aince wis saft anroon Ow! Here’s a muckle buit, cam tae tramp me doon 28. Auld Meldrum’s Moose Auld Meldrum had a metal moose Upon a railin steekit It boltit- sic a tirravee Fit thievin vratch did wheech it? Gin ye should spy a metal cat Atap a wheelie bin Ye’ll ken thon moose wis etten bi A cattie made o tin