~ Confessions Of A Hypocrite: Part 1 ~

I don't always feel like this but then there are moments when it all ceases to make sense I act like a fool one who would talk of moments Moments of love, tenderness, desires and intellect Thrown down into the gutter meaning nothing at all but nothing I feel like killing myself but know well that it would lead me nowhere.... Should I call myself an artist? ? A poet with courage to speak of the unspeakable but in real life I become a crybaby Heartbroken I deserted my destiny I became a poet instead of a professor I let down my mentors, the ones who gave me so much... I drowned myself in alcohol smoked cigarettes and killed my liver and lungs... I say that I am a feminist but I have desires dark to have a woman in flesh and fluids in my bed crushed under my weight... I say that I hate the intellectual bancruptcy of the age but crack stupid d#*k jokes and laugh... I say I love people I sing songs of love But then under my preferred façade there is enough hatred to burn down a whole herd of useless humans I hate them I had killed them again and again in my head I had been a tormenter I had been tormented by these thoughts What am I? ? What am I but a bunch of contradictions? A hypocrite with no centre An atheist who had prayed for years for a girl with the glasses A man with depression who is scared of mad men left open in the street I am a bigot I am a sinner I am nothing Nothing but a bunch of ideas that contradict Only that I am aware that I am a hypocrite.... Souren Mondal March 6,2016