I Still Wonder

Gestating me, what all strange thoughts Coursed through my mother's mind, I wonder! Did she gleefully welcome the news? Or respond to it in violent shock? Quite soon after her fourth baby With three more kids still needing care Becoming a mother once again Might not have been in her scheme of things At a time when she expected it the least, Could she beckon the new life growing inside With a pleasant nod of head in assent Or with a suppressed moan of fright, I wonder! When from nausea, she started to suffer And threw up, each time what she ate Did she curse her man in silence? Or grow mad with her children and her fate? Slogging through those weary days Without any respite from her routine chores Did she get enough rest or care? Or did she languish without a hand to assist? Seeing her with an extended waist line Did some nosy neighbours behind her back Teasingly utter in hushed whispers ‘Oh, she has done it again! ' Once when I started kicking inside Was she tickled or greatly annoyed? When she heard the first ‘lub- dub' of my heart Did she feel as two hearts singing in harmony? As her tummy grew bigger everyday And sleepless in bed, as she tossed Was she haunted by nightmares bleak? Or was she visited by dreams of delight? Travelling closer and closer to those final days Did she curse herself seeing her in the mirror So woefully bloated and ripened into a bulge Or did she wait my arrival in blissful expectation? Then suddenly one day when the earthquake began In mild tremors first, then gaining in force Did she scream mad or cry aloud? Or did she endure the pain in austere silence? Then abruptly when I showed myself up Did she feel any remorse over my sex? And see me as another liability Added up to the girls already in line No, I am sure she must have cuddled me close And locked me in the warmth of her bosom For she was such a rare gift from heaven A mother nonpareil in self effacing love!