Saint, Sinner, Lover

'A plague upon you, murderers, traitors all! I might have sav'd her; now she's gone for ever.' [ King Lear,5.3.269-271] 1. Fish and Water It is said that the soul is like a fish and body water, each entirely different from each other and yet dependant – the fish on the water that is. So it holds for You and I, I am the fish You are the Water, I exist on You and live upon You. And now that you are gone, I do not really live but survive like a Betta But I know one day, I will gradually lose it all My struggle for existence without you will be meaningless, futile, and one day I will die But even in death I shall find no Moksha, will not be united with the One since it’s You - - You are the One 2. The Addict I have three addictions - - a woman, Cigarettes and Alcohol. I loved all three until I left alcohol for the doctors said that I had a minor hepatogamy That was half a year ago Before that I used to drink a glass of alcohol every night with three cigarettes in half an hours’ time playing Decoder Ring’s “More than Scarlet” on repeat in an empty room with a candle burning, flickering lights - - flickering memories of You It is an interesting combination - - Old Monk, Silk Cuts and You - - Your memories – all of them run in my blood, A fine exotic Cocktail that my heart pumps and drives to all my cells. Rotten Cells that imprison me And I lean languidly upon a bed of dust mites and sandalwood Resting my head on my left hand, with manuscripts of my love poems for You lying around the floor of scorpions. I am chained in addictions - - You, nicotine and the unpurged alcohol in my veins. All of it in this body and soul – addicted and rotten. 3.To Neena with Love When all things fall apart we look for Love, When life becomes too heavy to bear we look for Love, When Love becomes too much to be taken care of I look at you - - Neena - - my Girl with the Glasses, my woman of no importance, my greatest addiction my glass butterfly with beautiful stripes of China, Transparent yet opaque, So confidently insecure, so possessive of me, Neena, you are the subject of all my nightmares You are the dream I had dreamt of since I learnt how to dream. I am a poet who loved you, I am the lover whom you converted into a poet. I am a man with your memories, I am a man with dreams and nightmares, I am nothing but a mad Lover, My poetry is in madness I am nothing but a reflection of yours. My sins are long - - I desired you in my dreams, Fondled each contour of your curvy, beautiful body with the devotion of a worshipper. Your naked body, free from all inhibition, pure and pristine have flashed a thousand times before me And I wanted to unite with you, make love to you with the tenderness and devotion that Michelangelo might have shown when he painted the Sistine Chapel’s ceiling… I would have made each move with care and passion mixed in equal proportion with sheer passion, choosing them like Tagore chose his words for his lyrics and songs Kiss your pink, soft, wet lips when we would have united in Stark nakedness of our souls. And our moans would have been like Beethoven’s symphonies - - masterpieces - - works of art. This was my love for you Neena - - You and I - - together - - in pure sin of Love - - together - - till death do us part. And that Love would have brought to earth an Angelic soul - - perhaps a little Neena, who would have asked me for kisses and cuddles and bedtime stories And I would have told her our story - - You and I - - how it all came to be… And if anyone asks me the question today I will say only one thing and never stop until my Chain-smoked lungs burst up - - “I do. I do. I do. I do.” … Adieu, Adieu, À dieu, Adieu… Souren Mondal October 11,2015